Holding Back

Hey everyone, its been a very long day for me but I still made sure I posted for tuesdays Keeping it Real topic. Tonight I’d like to talk about relationships. I have been dealing with a few challenging relationships and each one has taught me a lesson so far. One particular relationship has taught me to let go and let love.
Have you ever held back from dating someone or being intimate with someone because you are afraid what others may think or because you are afraid you aren’t ready for a relationship? Well I have. I have completely held back from dating someone out of fear of not being ready and what family may think of our relationship. I knew deep down inside that this person was capable of giving me what it is I want, and I knew I would possibly fall for that person.
I think what initially had my ego flared was the fact that he wasn’t my ‘type’! He was handsome, but he wasn’t who I ‘wanted’ him to be. My ego was still holding on to the last relationship I was in. My ego wasn’t going to allow me to accept this new guy because it wanted me to have the image of the last guy. My awareness of this let me know that I hadn’t let the past go as much as I thought. It was hard to accept that at first. It was much easier for me to blame this new guy for not being like the last.
My refusal to admit to myself that I just wasn’t over my past, fueled my excuse to hold back because I didn’t think that I was ready to be with this person. That excuse sounds legit. If I’m not over the past, than how can I be ready? Well that was just it, how can I ever be over the past if I don’t make the effort to move forward? I just wasn’t ready to admit to that realization as well. It wasn’t until several weeks of denial that I conquered my ego and let myself be free to move forward. 
I am using this example to prove how I can still be in denial and still allow my ego to take control of me and project fear. I have to keep it real, it still happens. It takes awareness and courage to be real enough with yourself. I’m sure if I weren’t ready to realize that I was just bs’n myself, I would have kept on holding back from loving this person. When I say loving, I’m not speaking on being in love, but just opening up enough to where they felt love and so did I. Keeping it real with myself wasn’t hard. Keeping it real sets you free and this time it lead me to opening up and releasing my past. Just take some time to think about how you might be in denial with yourself and allowing your ego to control you. Take initiative right now to keep it real. Watch how better you feel and how much clarity arises.
 I wish I could add more to this post, but I am wrapping it up so I can catch some zzzz before my early morning comes along. I hope you all had a great day! Goodnight (: 

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